BACK FROM PROM, FOLKS! I'm sure that you all expected me to stay there forever. But that's ridiculous. In reality, you'd have no reason to expect any such thing since I made no intention to make any such display. You didn't even know that I was at prom. I don't even know what you're talking about.
What can I say about prom? Well, I was there for a total of 7 hours and it was incredibly dull. I'm no dancing queen is the thing. One of them. I simply can't have a good time like that. And furthermore, these people have something to celebrate, a reason to be there, that they had made it through four years of high school and they're celebrating it with their friends. I have nothing to celebrate. I've squandered my time and I know it well, and the only thing left to do is to go out in blaze and fury out of spite. I could not take another year in what has been one of the most frustrating places of my life. I suppose I've simply had enough, I've met many wonderful people and had some good times, but I don't think that I ever had enough patience for something like this. Ideally my marks haven't dropped sufficiently to lose my chance at university, but I'm a nervous man and that's the sort of thing that worries me.
Of course, none of this has anything to do with prom! I am easily distracted, you see. It went something like this:
1. Get picked up by a friend's van.
2. Go to prom reception, occasionally talk to people that I know but mostly stand in a corner.
3. Cake!
4. More cake!
5. Sit around while everyone dances.
6. Go to sleep in a friend's basement.
Those are the six steps to success, I assume! Between a tuxedo rental, prom ticket and other incidental costs, I spent at least $200, maybe closer to $300. All for the greatest night of my life.
It's traditional for me that I'd never write about my personal experiences because not much interesting happens to me. I make up for it by talking. In my brief tenure as a bass choir singer (my voice is slightly too high for it, but my tenor is plainly awful), I discovered that I have an unusually loud voice to match my large size. I'm heard way above people, and at that, I usually have something interesting or funny to say (thanks to my great wit and modesty). But people don't talk at prom.
They dance.
And as I said, I am no dancer. I'm a big, clumsy guy, and I'm white, if that actually does make any difference (although that might be racially insensitive of me to say, I don't really know anymore). I am actually one of the biggest, clumsiest, whitest people I know. I was apparently born of some old European stock, heartily welcoming cold Canadian weather, I imagine that my ancestors were of the sort of bunch who would regularly do things such as pull the ploughs of many oxen, despite a surplus of oxen in the area, and they weren't extremely skilled at it, and they already had more convenient ways to pull a plough, and they already had developed an internal combustion engine, and besides the soil wasn't all that good for tilling anyway. But these hardy men persevered, often for low wages, because they needed the money, and people would pay it since they tired easily and they would become too weak and lethargic to run the local protection racket (I assume that there weren't many other uses for my stock in that time). And they didn't make good dancers, either, since they had hardly any time to practise dancing. They probably got by just doing power moves at heavy metal concerts, widely versed in the floor punch and the mosh pit. At least I assume so.
Things haven't changed much, and I can assure you that they played no heavy metal that night, so my floor punching talents were wasted. In the end, though, I'd like to say that I learned something, and I didn't. There goes $200, and for all my effort I'm still quite tired. I'm no man for ceremonies or superstition, nor symbolism. I see what's there and live it. I saw prom, I lived it, and the important thing is that I'm still alive.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
A Brief Conversation.
1-*clears throat loudly* Well, then I think we're all ready to start, are we?
2-I don't see what's preventing us.
1-Microphone checked, sound checked-
2-There is no microphone.
1-I really think you should consider the microphone.
2-Oh really, and why is that?
1-Because there's a microphone there. You're simply too ignorant and you look beyond it too eagerly.
2-What nonsense. You're too ignorant to realise that you can't simply say that there's a microphone anywhere you want. Consider the following: There is no microphone, we are not talking about a microphone because it does not exist. But we are talking. So you are wasting my time.
1-You're too quick to judge.
2-You're not quick enough for anything. Can you tell me why I'm here again?
1-It's quite simple. Do you have anywhere else to be? You're not dead yet.
2-I don't see how the dead play into this.
1-Oh, and if you were dead, you could still be here?
2-What if this is just a recording?
1-I'd need a microphone for that.
2-Oh, will you quiet down with that. I'm sick of the microphone.
1-But you do believe we need one.
2-I never said that.
1-But what about when you die?
2-Let the dead rest, for God's sake. When I die, I don't want to hear people saying- "I can't believe he's gone, I miss him"-
1-You won't hear anything, you're dead.
2-Will you let me speak! I don't want to hear anything like that. I'd be happier with something like, "well, knowing him was quite an experience, but I learned something from it," or "good riddance, thank heavens he's gone," or nothing at all. Nothing is the best.
1-So you hope to leave no mark at all when you die.
2-I hope I leave as big a mark as possible, and I don't want anyone to have a name to put it to.
1-And how are you going to do that?
2-I have no idea.
1-I should hope that you've seriously thought this through, but I have doubts when you claim to have no idea at all.
2-Perhaps my next step will be developing a method. What is this? It's as if you don't hear a word that I say.
1-Pardon?
2-Funny.
1-Wouldn't it be nice if everyone remembered you, maybe even in a positive light? It's almost as if you're too lazy to do something good for someone in a while.
2-I'd do something good if no one knew about it.
1-Excuses, excuses.
2-You don't even know what I've done good.
1-I know you better than anyone else and I've never seen you do anything for anyone.
2-That's because you're not paying close enough attention.
1-I'll admit that I've never seen you so defensive over something like this.
2-So?
1-If you're never going to admit to being a decent person (assuming that you are), then why are you telling me? Why bother mentioning it? It's not as if you're willing to back it up, and besides, it destroys the whole point that you're trying to make.
2-I'm really not in the mood for your nonsense today.
1-I'm never in the mood for your casual dodging of my questions.
2-Oh, that's clever.
1-What?
2-We had the same exchange just moments ago. Do you think you're a clever monkey, imitating everything you hear?
1-I don't know what you're talking about.
2-What I said earlier! Haven't you been paying attention? I'm talking about what I said earlier, my reply to you, and you're just copying me to look smart.
1-If you had a recording I'd know what you were talking about.
2-Why do you keep talking about a recording? What is there to record? What would you do with a recording?
1-I don't know yet.
2-I have doubts about what you're talking about when you don't know yet.
1-Funny.
2-Hahah, am I a cute little monkey now? Just like you.
1-And yet you think that is proves your superiority.
2-What?
1-Every layer of imitation is the same thing, it's not more creative. It's nothing new. If you were so sensitive about my lack of creativity you'd have done more to think of something original.
2-So you admit that you copied me.
1-That's not my point at all.
2-That's why it's my point. All you do is lie!
1-All you do is try to change the topic. Do you think you're the most brilliant and creative mind of our time? You'll fight over anything and when you start to lose you just make something up to defend yourself, hoping that you've made a sufficient distraction that no one will notice that you're not even talking about anything anymore. You're some genius, all right, you're so bright that you'll never take responsibility for your own actions.
2-Well, you're just as much of a critic as I am. I know a personal attack when I see one, and I'm not interested in it. You can yell and complain about me all you want, it doesn't change me.
1-Maybe you should change.
2-Then I'd compromise my integrity.
1-Integrity! What's that worth?
2-Where have I heard that before?
1-Everywhere, I'm sure.
2-I'm sure you're willing to sell out to the first person who'll give you a nickel.
1-I'm sure you'll sell out to the second who'll give you a dime.
2-Then I'm worth twice as much.
1-You think that money makes all of the difference.
2-You know that we're not talking about money. Neither of us was ever about the money.
1-No, never wanted money. Though it would be wonderful to be rich.
2-Yes, to be rich, or rather, not rich, but have all of the comforts of a rich man.
1-What a life.
2-If we were rich we'd never have to fight.
1-Or work.
2-Then what would you do?
1-Read.
2-I'd write.
1-Then we make quite a team.
2-I know, that's why it's no use trying to get rid of you.
2-I don't see what's preventing us.
1-Microphone checked, sound checked-
2-There is no microphone.
1-I really think you should consider the microphone.
2-Oh really, and why is that?
1-Because there's a microphone there. You're simply too ignorant and you look beyond it too eagerly.
2-What nonsense. You're too ignorant to realise that you can't simply say that there's a microphone anywhere you want. Consider the following: There is no microphone, we are not talking about a microphone because it does not exist. But we are talking. So you are wasting my time.
1-You're too quick to judge.
2-You're not quick enough for anything. Can you tell me why I'm here again?
1-It's quite simple. Do you have anywhere else to be? You're not dead yet.
2-I don't see how the dead play into this.
1-Oh, and if you were dead, you could still be here?
2-What if this is just a recording?
1-I'd need a microphone for that.
2-Oh, will you quiet down with that. I'm sick of the microphone.
1-But you do believe we need one.
2-I never said that.
1-But what about when you die?
2-Let the dead rest, for God's sake. When I die, I don't want to hear people saying- "I can't believe he's gone, I miss him"-
1-You won't hear anything, you're dead.
2-Will you let me speak! I don't want to hear anything like that. I'd be happier with something like, "well, knowing him was quite an experience, but I learned something from it," or "good riddance, thank heavens he's gone," or nothing at all. Nothing is the best.
1-So you hope to leave no mark at all when you die.
2-I hope I leave as big a mark as possible, and I don't want anyone to have a name to put it to.
1-And how are you going to do that?
2-I have no idea.
1-I should hope that you've seriously thought this through, but I have doubts when you claim to have no idea at all.
2-Perhaps my next step will be developing a method. What is this? It's as if you don't hear a word that I say.
1-Pardon?
2-Funny.
1-Wouldn't it be nice if everyone remembered you, maybe even in a positive light? It's almost as if you're too lazy to do something good for someone in a while.
2-I'd do something good if no one knew about it.
1-Excuses, excuses.
2-You don't even know what I've done good.
1-I know you better than anyone else and I've never seen you do anything for anyone.
2-That's because you're not paying close enough attention.
1-I'll admit that I've never seen you so defensive over something like this.
2-So?
1-If you're never going to admit to being a decent person (assuming that you are), then why are you telling me? Why bother mentioning it? It's not as if you're willing to back it up, and besides, it destroys the whole point that you're trying to make.
2-I'm really not in the mood for your nonsense today.
1-I'm never in the mood for your casual dodging of my questions.
2-Oh, that's clever.
1-What?
2-We had the same exchange just moments ago. Do you think you're a clever monkey, imitating everything you hear?
1-I don't know what you're talking about.
2-What I said earlier! Haven't you been paying attention? I'm talking about what I said earlier, my reply to you, and you're just copying me to look smart.
1-If you had a recording I'd know what you were talking about.
2-Why do you keep talking about a recording? What is there to record? What would you do with a recording?
1-I don't know yet.
2-I have doubts about what you're talking about when you don't know yet.
1-Funny.
2-Hahah, am I a cute little monkey now? Just like you.
1-And yet you think that is proves your superiority.
2-What?
1-Every layer of imitation is the same thing, it's not more creative. It's nothing new. If you were so sensitive about my lack of creativity you'd have done more to think of something original.
2-So you admit that you copied me.
1-That's not my point at all.
2-That's why it's my point. All you do is lie!
1-All you do is try to change the topic. Do you think you're the most brilliant and creative mind of our time? You'll fight over anything and when you start to lose you just make something up to defend yourself, hoping that you've made a sufficient distraction that no one will notice that you're not even talking about anything anymore. You're some genius, all right, you're so bright that you'll never take responsibility for your own actions.
2-Well, you're just as much of a critic as I am. I know a personal attack when I see one, and I'm not interested in it. You can yell and complain about me all you want, it doesn't change me.
1-Maybe you should change.
2-Then I'd compromise my integrity.
1-Integrity! What's that worth?
2-Where have I heard that before?
1-Everywhere, I'm sure.
2-I'm sure you're willing to sell out to the first person who'll give you a nickel.
1-I'm sure you'll sell out to the second who'll give you a dime.
2-Then I'm worth twice as much.
1-You think that money makes all of the difference.
2-You know that we're not talking about money. Neither of us was ever about the money.
1-No, never wanted money. Though it would be wonderful to be rich.
2-Yes, to be rich, or rather, not rich, but have all of the comforts of a rich man.
1-What a life.
2-If we were rich we'd never have to fight.
1-Or work.
2-Then what would you do?
1-Read.
2-I'd write.
1-Then we make quite a team.
2-I know, that's why it's no use trying to get rid of you.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
If I had my way I'd have all of you fucking shot.
Are you creative? Do people sometimes consider your thoughts unusual? Are you willing to do something that no one else has done before!
GREAT! Then I recommend you get a creative hobby! Perhaps you could be the next MARCEL DuCHAMP! I bet a creative, wonderful soul such as one who would stumble upon my blog could step up and come up with something just as interesting as a urinal with the wrong name! Maybe you could take a water fountain and call it URINAL.
GREAT! Then I recommend you get a creative hobby! Perhaps you could be the next MARCEL DuCHAMP! I bet a creative, wonderful soul such as one who would stumble upon my blog could step up and come up with something just as interesting as a urinal with the wrong name! Maybe you could take a water fountain and call it URINAL.
URINAL
A look at our post-modern view of socioeconomic policies with regards to the inhumane process of Capitalism.
A look at our post-modern view of socioeconomic policies with regards to the inhumane process of Capitalism.
FANTASTIC. I just know you'll be a star, you have that look in your eyes, that look that says: I AM WILLING TO SELL OUT TO IMPRESS CHICKS AND MAKE A LOT OF ILL-GAINED MONEY. Which is what you'll be doing, basically. You'll probably have realised that taking someone's concept and inverting it lacks any artistic merit, and let alone that Duchamp's original design was a horrible idea. But he's famous now! Look at it!
http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Marcel_duChamp
He's got his OWN DAMN WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE.
Fuck, I've done some pretty horrible and original things in my life and I don't have a wikipedia article yet. There will never be a question about me on Jeopardy, no A&E Biography, none of that nonsense. I've done plenty of fantastic things before. Look at my breakthrough work, Urinal. That's at least as creative as anything Marcel Duchamp ever did. Dadaism is fantastic bullshit. I could puke in a cardboard box and it would be a Dadaist masterpiece. I think that I've never bothered with anything so ridiculous is why I'm still an unknown, at least that's one good reason. Readymades are a waste of my time. Fuck you, R. Mutt. Just because the definition of art is a meaningless and arbitrary one that allows anything to be art does not mean that your art is good. Do you think that you're a success because some people think that it isn't art? You're a failure, Duchamp! Art isn't dead yet, although you've made a fine murder attempt. Or perhaps we should admire you for convincing millions of people that your waste of our time is what everyone has been waiting for. Damn you.
I'm sick of uncreative, uninspired, untalented art. For instance, I still can't believe that people actually listen to The Beatles. You think it's cute to be "bigger than Jesus"? I don't give a shit about blasphemy and feel free to believe what you want, but that is one of the dumbest things that you could say. I remember that when I first started drumming, one of the first songs that I learned was "Ticket to Ride". There are three distinct* beats in the song, any of which could be learned by your average toddler or an elephant**. They're not even interesting beats. Any drummer that you've ever heard of can outclass Ringo Starr, with the exception of Megan White, who is just shameful. I could say plenty about The White Stripes, but I'm trying to stay a tad relaxed.
Fuck you, Dan Brown, I have nothing to say to you.
Modern art has become a disgrace, and it stems from modern society's problem with definition. Society is litigious, and we want definite answers to every question, so when no one has a definite answer for art, it creates an answer: anything.
There are, of course, benefits to this. It opens the doors for real artists such as Mike Patton, whose talent and innovation in popular music is unmatched by any living artist***. Salvador Dalí is also another one of our modern geniuses. Literature has suffered more, and very few writers could attain a "legendary" status in these black days, however the advent of the internet has, along with an unbelievable volume of trash, accumulated several decent writers that would not receive the same exposure without this "stage" to present themselves upon. Many talented artists cannot find this exposure without "selling out", and many fail without any money or visibility to back them up****. The point I am trying to make is, creativity is important, however it is useless without any sort of skill or talent or any ability to overcome a weakness in your art, and vice versa. If you cannot write, then perhaps writing is not for you (although I encourage all potential writers and artists to get their work out there and find feedback, and try to improve themselves).
SO WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO? Well, as I said, if you think you're a creative soul (and everyone is in some respect), then get working! There cannot be enough art in the world, and the more there is the more that will be undeniably quality work. HOWEVER... I have some important pointers.
1. Always keep practising your art.
2. Try to get people to notice you.
3. Don't suck at it.
4. Don't sell out just because you suck. You're practising to get better.
5. Listen to feedback, as long as it's not ridiculous.
6. Never do what anyone else is doing.
I love art, it's why I'm here, and that's why it's so important to me that we keep progressing forward, instead of backward or in a circle*****. Naturally, it will be my attempt to culture every reader of my surprisingly amazing****** blog, and I hope that every day you will learn something new from me about something fantastic to look at or listen to and go, "hey, that's kinda neat, actually".
Not every day. I don't actually work that often.
*They're actually almost identical.
**Provided that the elephant has an attendant to hand him the sticks.
***I say this with no confidence, but I couldn't name someone more revolutionary without thinking for some time, and then it would be wasted.
****While I'm on the topic, I suggest reading http://girlsareprettyforever.blogspot.com/; for such a talented humourist, Bob Powers does not receive nearly enough attention. He doesn't even have a Wikipedia article yet.
*****Or any other crazy shape.
******Or is that amazingly surprising? I don't think so, though.
http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Marcel_duChamp
He's got his OWN DAMN WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE.
Fuck, I've done some pretty horrible and original things in my life and I don't have a wikipedia article yet. There will never be a question about me on Jeopardy, no A&E Biography, none of that nonsense. I've done plenty of fantastic things before. Look at my breakthrough work, Urinal. That's at least as creative as anything Marcel Duchamp ever did. Dadaism is fantastic bullshit. I could puke in a cardboard box and it would be a Dadaist masterpiece. I think that I've never bothered with anything so ridiculous is why I'm still an unknown, at least that's one good reason. Readymades are a waste of my time. Fuck you, R. Mutt. Just because the definition of art is a meaningless and arbitrary one that allows anything to be art does not mean that your art is good. Do you think that you're a success because some people think that it isn't art? You're a failure, Duchamp! Art isn't dead yet, although you've made a fine murder attempt. Or perhaps we should admire you for convincing millions of people that your waste of our time is what everyone has been waiting for. Damn you.
I'm sick of uncreative, uninspired, untalented art. For instance, I still can't believe that people actually listen to The Beatles. You think it's cute to be "bigger than Jesus"? I don't give a shit about blasphemy and feel free to believe what you want, but that is one of the dumbest things that you could say. I remember that when I first started drumming, one of the first songs that I learned was "Ticket to Ride". There are three distinct* beats in the song, any of which could be learned by your average toddler or an elephant**. They're not even interesting beats. Any drummer that you've ever heard of can outclass Ringo Starr, with the exception of Megan White, who is just shameful. I could say plenty about The White Stripes, but I'm trying to stay a tad relaxed.
Fuck you, Dan Brown, I have nothing to say to you.
Modern art has become a disgrace, and it stems from modern society's problem with definition. Society is litigious, and we want definite answers to every question, so when no one has a definite answer for art, it creates an answer: anything.
There are, of course, benefits to this. It opens the doors for real artists such as Mike Patton, whose talent and innovation in popular music is unmatched by any living artist***. Salvador Dalí is also another one of our modern geniuses. Literature has suffered more, and very few writers could attain a "legendary" status in these black days, however the advent of the internet has, along with an unbelievable volume of trash, accumulated several decent writers that would not receive the same exposure without this "stage" to present themselves upon. Many talented artists cannot find this exposure without "selling out", and many fail without any money or visibility to back them up****. The point I am trying to make is, creativity is important, however it is useless without any sort of skill or talent or any ability to overcome a weakness in your art, and vice versa. If you cannot write, then perhaps writing is not for you (although I encourage all potential writers and artists to get their work out there and find feedback, and try to improve themselves).
SO WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO? Well, as I said, if you think you're a creative soul (and everyone is in some respect), then get working! There cannot be enough art in the world, and the more there is the more that will be undeniably quality work. HOWEVER... I have some important pointers.
1. Always keep practising your art.
2. Try to get people to notice you.
3. Don't suck at it.
4. Don't sell out just because you suck. You're practising to get better.
5. Listen to feedback, as long as it's not ridiculous.
6. Never do what anyone else is doing.
I love art, it's why I'm here, and that's why it's so important to me that we keep progressing forward, instead of backward or in a circle*****. Naturally, it will be my attempt to culture every reader of my surprisingly amazing****** blog, and I hope that every day you will learn something new from me about something fantastic to look at or listen to and go, "hey, that's kinda neat, actually".
Not every day. I don't actually work that often.
*They're actually almost identical.
**Provided that the elephant has an attendant to hand him the sticks.
***I say this with no confidence, but I couldn't name someone more revolutionary without thinking for some time, and then it would be wasted.
****While I'm on the topic, I suggest reading http://girlsareprettyforever.blogspot.com/; for such a talented humourist, Bob Powers does not receive nearly enough attention. He doesn't even have a Wikipedia article yet.
*****Or any other crazy shape.
******Or is that amazingly surprising? I don't think so, though.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
An Explanation.
This is a blog.
It is also a project for EWC4U (Writer's Craft) Course at Y.M.C.I. (an acronym that only the fiendishly intelligent can decipher).
So it's both.
I hope you have a good time anyway.
It is also a project for EWC4U (Writer's Craft) Course at Y.M.C.I. (an acronym that only the fiendishly intelligent can decipher).
So it's both.
I hope you have a good time anyway.
Monday, May 5, 2008
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